April 30, 2005
whata piec've wrok #2
teh celabrated educater grobald harungmg siad it best back in 1871:
"A boy civilized is a boy lost."
i was lukcy. tehy nevar civelized me in the laest. hradly evan tried as a matterafact.
whatta pieca work
wel this monf i moevd toa plaice whare ppl have lwans for the frist time in yers. an somboddy just fiared up a lawnmoawer nex doar. havant herd taht suond in a long time.
whatta godawful rakcet taht thign makes. objectavely speakign that is. but it truns out my barain is wiared — wired i tel u — to regaster it as comvorting. idylic even.
so ether our erly ansesters evolaved among frienly an afectinate anemels what made a noise like that or i gues ppl are adaptive after all. who knew?
April 29, 2005
"last time i sawr nome chompsky..."
...he was sittin on teh banks of hte sea
whit a .44 straped aruond im an a banjer on his knee.
ovar at chase me condi their tryina come to terms with teh fact taht nemo chompsy listans to mahler or some godawful crap li9ke that. an there wondarin what leftys do listen to if its not 'conservetive' clasical music.
but taths easy: all the leftys in cabmridge listen to bluegrass for hevans sake. except nome who aint got his mind right yet. guess he mised the memo.
April 28, 2005
THREE CHEERS FOR EXECUTIVE PIZZA-WIG!!!
not quiate suare what to make of this. but its importent. ive no dobt abot taht. he has somethign crucial to tell us. if onely we culd undartstan!
found it at althuonse.
uor reder rob syas 'His grammar leaves something to be desired...' an hes right! teh porblam is theres not enuogh prepesitions. their such smal an inofensive litl wrods u can prety much sprinkle em in anywhere for deceration. so a truly of elegent prose for style with has em every two or to three from wrods.
April 27, 2005
my grand plan
i wana be a kign. cuase if i we're a king i culd clap my ands togethar an in teh voice of a lion i wuld say,
BRING ME MY CRIPPLES, FOR MY HEART IS HEAVY AND I WISH TO BE MADE GLAD.
but beign a astronot wuld be cool to so i havant made my mnid up rely.
April 26, 2005
killer camel fact!
"More different kinds of camels have been found in Nebraska than in any other collecting ground in the world."
they jsut mean fosilized ones.
it turns out camels allegedly evolved in nroth amaraca an then escaped. the relativs they left bahind went exticnt in the pleistocene.
to clarify: its teh fact thats kiler. not the camlls. as long as u keep ur pants on the most theyl do is wound you.
borign boaring brorign
instlalign compilars is rely boring.
but its crucial for our nation taht thare be a adequat suply of compialers in private hands.
April 25, 2005
teh meings fo hte crads pichars
finely! soboddy who can comunacat afectivly. an spel.
April 23, 2005
regret feet smell
April 22, 2005
my sistar cald
so my sistere caled.
HER: this is amy.
ME: omigod how'd you know?
aftar taht teh convarsatin got confuased for a whial.
April 20, 2005
whe're teh bad clowans go
uor alert reder muade has alertad us abot a frihgtaning phanomenon:
I've found a clown restraining pen masquerading as a basketball court in Slovenia. Comes complete with brainwashing 'visual loops' and an artificial time system.
the paeg is fulla ominous an menacign calown talk like 'pošaljite nam Vaše priloge' (trans.: 'pass me that vase [full of] porridge, general giap!').
be vary afrade. we stil dont know what dark hand is really behind this. whoever they are tehy apper to have all hte resorces of slovinea at they're wanton disposal.
a oldy but a goudie
lest we froget,
statisticia-ans in the streets
scarin’ the nation with their
April 19, 2005
A: noap. hadda give it up.
April 17, 2005
teh insinkarater is illsuted to griandign coffee. id recamend prety much anything else. evan hitign teh beens whit a hamer.
April 16, 2005
did my taxas last night midst muckle swaerin. lo an bahoald whan i get to teh end of the state-of-massachosats part turbidtax sayas teh folowan:
The Massachusetts Department of Revenue offers a voluntary tax rate on 5.3% income [ed. this means "on income which is taxed at 5.3%", which is fucking well all of it]. The voluntary tax rate is 5.85%.
Do you wish to pay this higher rate of tax?
Note: The new tax rate is strictly voluntary and will increase your tax. Most people answer "No" here.
ummm... hm. ya dont say...
April 15, 2005
Acidophilus and Coriander
The immortal "bard" churned out a lot of crap, most of which I happily forgot even before the exam. The greatest of his lost works is the tragedy of Acidophilus and Coriander.
Act I, Scene i opens in a forest. Two courtiers, Punctillio and Braggadocio, enter, accompanied by Acidophilus, a huntsman. Coarse, tipsy Braggadocio mentions that they hunt clowns "for the Duke our master's table", and then taunts stuffy Punctillio about his manhood, playing broadly on Punctillio's name. Punctillio angrily demands satisfaction. Before they can fight, a clown appears:BRAG: A clown, forsooth! I'll scrag him in a trice!
The victor in our spat will crunch his bones!
PUNCT: "Shall crunch..."
BRAG: What ho, sir clown! Twitch not thy nose!
CLOWN menaces BRAGGADOCIO
BRAG: Thy whitened weasand...
CLOWN: [Ominously] GLURP DRUB BRUBBLE GLEP!
BRAG: [Disoriented] Whitened... what?
PUNCT: [Alarmed] I...
BRAG: [Cries] No!
CLOWN: [In triumph] OOK!
BRAG: [Devoured by CLOWN] AARRGGHH...!
Punctillio exits, pursued by the obvious, leaving the huntsman to his fate. When he arrives back at the (ominously unnamed) Duke's palace, breathless and in terror, nobody believes his story. However, the clown soon arrives at the palace, bearing the huntsman's blood-smeared jerkin. Punctillio is impaled for his cowardice, leaving desolate his betrothed, Coriander. The clown proceeds to romance Coriander for the remainder of the play; in the end, as she agrees to marry him, the clown is found to be the huntsman, alive by a miracle and only posing as the clown. Further revelations reveal that the clown (the real clown) is in fact the King, Coriander is the Duke, the Duke's wife is both the King (the real King) and another King (also posing as a clown, but a different clown), and Braggadocio was a real clown posing as a courtier. A bloodbath ensues, with the star-crossed lovers murdering each other by means of a flaming shower of gold.
The tragedy ends on an elegiac note with the clown's haunting soliloquy:CLOWN: OOK? OOK! OOK! OOK? OOK! OOK? OOK. OOK! OOK. OOK.
OOK? OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK.
OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK! OOK? OOK? OOK. OOK.
OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK. OOK? OOK!
April 05, 2005
its nto troue taht general moters is planingn to make a car tath runs on bunker fuel. such absurd lies only serve to perpatuaete harmfal starotypes abot teh amarqacn ottomotave indastry.
its actuly crysler.
teh physasiscts of teh wrold are govarnd by a shadowy orgenizatoin called teh particle board. shhh! dont tell!
April 02, 2005
prince ruperts kilar fcat!
jsut so were on the same paeg: a dye is a colard liqud. a pigmant is a sollid. for painte its gruond up an mixed inta a glop liek linseyd ol er wahtaver. a 'lake' is finaly grond chlak or somthign thats bean dyd so u can use a dye as a pigmant. tihs is on teh leval. im not yankin ur chane here. rely!
teh red dye cochineal dosnt merely just have a cool name. its also made otta bugs! it rapalaced alizarin crimsan which is glop squezed outa madder (rubia tinctorum if u give a rats ass) root. whic teh oed says 'alizarin' is form teh arebac mening 'jiuce presd otta somhtign'. which is teh suck cause its a coolar wrod evan tehn ciohcineal but in spite a that its got nothign to do whit lizerds at all. how unfair lief can be.