January 14, 2005

trow teh tuna billy. go ahead. shut up an thorw the tuny.

the town of prot lincon in austria has a tuna festaval eveyr year since 1962. its cald teh tunarama. its hanuary 22 util janury 26 this yer. the hghilight of the festevel is the wrold chpamion tuna toss.

what they dont tel u is that hte local sucide rate gos throu the roof evary time they do this.


i men waht im sayin here is imagine some burly ugly pigheded litl tyke with his face al clenched up stanin there wiht a tuna refusin to throw it an his parants are getin mora an more frusrated. theyv been their for tow hours. the suns beatin down. dads quitly smolderin an moms bein all chery an encouragin the litl snot but rely shes losin her mind an getin redy to brain im. teh stupid kid wont bugdge.

teh festaval of the damned.

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Dear Mr. Hynes:

I am Dr. Andy Winterthur, a supervisory physician and counselor here at the Shifting Sands Home and "Jeff" is one of my patients. I see he has been enjoying himself here!

"Jeff" does have an unfortunate tendency to slip off into solipsistic allusions and in our session today he referred to several which he has made on your web log. His reference to "a cassowariis astinite" was a reference to "a fabis astinite" 'Eat no beans', advice from Classical Rome handed on by Robert Burton in his famous *Anatomy of Melancholy*.

"Jeff" also *claims* to have noticed that you changed the color of the typeface on your blog so that brown and gray predominate, briefly even changing the color of your post titles! This is probably just a "syndromic image" as we call it here at the Sands--an imaginary or quasi-imaginary conviction which a patient believes in so strongly that he can even "see" in his mind's eye a supposedly experienced event.

We will continue to keep a close eye on "Jeff" and if he gets any more obscure or offensive we will revoke his computer priveleges.

Continued good health to your and yours.

I remain,
your faithful servant,
Dr. Andy Winterthur

P.S. You aren't by any chance one of our patients here, are you?
dammnit llndor ycolnntwinterhtyr
Those crazy Austrians. They even have bags made of tuna. And chocolate. Crazy.
he thikns im chagnin teh post title color eh? wel thats disturbin. very disutrbign. im of hlaf a mind to cal teh police.

i unststan nbow what he ment abot teh beans tho. its a recurin theam tese days.

but overal yeah i think ur rite to keep him in restrants. probly a few zaps whith the ol shockerll do him good to. spekin of which no im not a patint now.
Damnite, HUH? HUH? HUH? !

i waz shoccked, slimply shoked buy ur sugestion!
i kcant taek thes thnings lik Jake Nippleson culd!
an i cot thaet purpl u bustard!

bewar winsterthor. hee iz seecking u throughhought bosoton ur in rtouble nouw!

tel hangbankey taht teh bagg iz nat mad of tiny fisch! itst jast tiney fisch colourede.


PS bern thise leter
i culdn bearn it but its ok i chwed it up an swalad it.

anywy im not sure what ur tlakin abot whit teh parple. i dont se any pirpl. the titls aer broon. just liek tehy alwys ware. just stay real clam an itl be fine! were he're to hlep u. nothin to wory abuot. nevar mind waterthor. hes a figmet of ur imaguioneiotion.

hagbuggy just ignoar im. hes gone. wel. funy. just a litl. u kno. funny. their comin wiht the big net.
soe ime climin th roap w iht teh odher monekeys ame i?

wel wate tile summerfeild coms fer u!

i bat bleudogg wel sit u strate own taht won --



pe es [brathe noe werd!]
Pain builds character, or so said a sign on my junior high music teacer's wall. Make little billy throw the tuna. He'll thank you for it later. If nothing else, it'll be, as they say, a line on his CV.

2005, Austria. Tuna throwing participant; highest honors.
This is an odd posting format. I meant to say it was me, vague, but since i don't have a blogger account, I couldn't. hmmph.
vogue yeah i shoulda gone whit haloscan. live an lern.

jef theose dogs far pece ar a sham. dogs cant rely type taht wel.
oh yeh one moar thign. if jfefs ben redin cheap sansationlistic trahs like teh amatony of lemoncoly im not sprised hes come iunhinged! u know taht barton guy was maried to elezabith tyalor?! holy crap. an he was a imparielist to an he traslated 1001 nites. which agan is jsut a potboler. course its stil betar than that crap hoton reds. nothin in shakspaer but sex an violins which is ok but theres no pictars so whats teh piont?
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