August 01, 2005

were dooooomed

just raserved a rentel car. 87 difern cars listad. exacly zero of em had a manial tramission.

ze.

ro.

an they onyl had one convertabel an it was a sucky car thatd probly handle like a sacka crap. an evan if u wantad taht one u culdn get any garantee taht itd be red. wtf?!

mark my wrods. no nation so constatutad can logn endure.

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so what did you get then? am dying to know.
 
a mustagn hartop. ive nevar druv one. i unerstand they handal like crap. didn caust much moare then teh toyota prion er whatevar so hey! give it a try. a prion wuld handle evan worse i bet an i hate that rentel car deal on onramps whare ur tryna merge at 50 mph an evaryboddy else is goiign 75. which in all justice is maddeningly slow to begin with. an ur in this horabble geon thing an u floar it an nothing hapans. it just sorta wheezes an the stupid otamatic transmison thrashes around an ur still not moving. jesas. its like onea those nihgtmars whe're ur pursud by fiends an ur nto wearighn any pants[1].

im peved about the coveretbel. i anticepate scenery an thease asshats expec me to languish undar a roof! what a bumar. mabe i shuld cuogh up the estra hundred bucks an get the shity convertible. aarrgghh.


[1] ok troasers. miserble foraners.
 
That was an exceptionally American post, Mr. Hahnium, but still most enjoyable.

If oil prices keep rising, though, I suspect everyone except Donald Trump will be using public transport this time next year. Can one live the American Dream on a double-decker bus? Even with a six-month TravelPass? Sometimes I wonder.
 
Don’t be a mormon, if you want it to go quick you hold it in two (2), then three (3) etc. up to whatever you’ve got. Look at the little numbers next to the “shift”. Its just like a manual box without the clutch you divvy.
A Mustang’s wasted on you Americans. Anyway you can only do 56mph before you piss your pants so what are you worried about handling for? Who do you think you are? Burt Reynolds?
 
Hey! I'm Burt Reynolds!

Burt Reynolds.
 
Nothing handles like a hire car HA. Granted, you murkans can't make the damn things right anyway, but still...
 
The toyota prion, isn't it resonsible for new varient CJD?
 
HA HA HA, if you want a convertable, get the "Loss Damage Waiver" and then use a reciprocating saw to remove the hard top.

When you bring the car back, just claim that someone pinched the roof.
 
Dere mister Bagel Dot Baldspot Dot Comn:

Wy rant wen u ken biy?

Jef, semply roling alowng
 
aodray - whats so amerecan abuot thikning a powerfal red convertabol is a inalianeble right?

dr m - ill give taht 2/3 thign a try. but il have u know ive many times goane as fast as 57 mph or evan 58! ur right about teh new variant of cjd thuogh. them japenese can imparove anytihng!

anon - yeah its true amaracan cras are mosly searingly ugly an weve nevar refined our oil-leakage technalegy up to bertish standrads but what can u do?

dr e - not a bad notian! but take it form me u shuld probly get teh car outa the rentel lot before u start with the saw. theive got some very exitable people workign at avis if u wana know the truth.

jef - i dinna ken ur rantin laddie! whats a byre gota do wiht it?
 
Dere Baldspot:

Ez thay sey, Lett teh byre be wear, cavy ott empty. Och, laddy, Dew u ken jon peal? Barby didd.

Jeff, respondeat superior
 
Dr. E. is onto something. Cut the lid off the Mustang and spray-paint it red. With go-faster stripes, nobody will notice you're not doing 80.
 
How, exactly, does a sack of crap handle? I would imagine they're all different, depending not only on whether they're manual or automatic but the quality of the sack and the species of the crap. For instance, I would expect a burlap bag full of guano to slide along fairly rapidly but wear out rather fast; while a gunny sack of prime horse puckey would be less environmentally friendly but easier on the stomach when turning.

Handling isn't everything, of course. One must also consider the penis extension angle. I am informed that the best bet for this purpose is half a ton of bullshit in a quarter-ton bag.
 
Mr. Challinor, I believe he meant "sack of crap" in the American sense, i.e. a bigger, faster, noisier and more vulgarly spectacular-looking vehicle than you or I would even consider overdrawing our bank-accounts to buy. In "the States", you can purchase that kind of thing for the price of a "Hershey bar" and then sneer at it incessantly whilst "picking up" blonde "starlets" on the "highway".

Americans are so superficial.
 
jfef - i thuoghthth it was 'cave cavy'?

odrey - by 'sack a crap' i maent just that. a sakc with crap init. as in liek stinky an mushy.

but anyhow i love teh 'bigger, faster, noisier and more vulgarly spectacular-looking vehicle' bit. dude! TOTLY! (tho it may be moare a x cromasome thign then culteral). an ur worng about hte 'superficel' bit. itd be suparfical if all i cared abuot was the 'vulgarly spectacular-looking' part. but i love em for ther fastar an noisiar souls too (an so do the stralets trus me!). ahh...! the dear litl machines! the cars i mean not the starlats.
 
by 'sack a crap' i maent just that. a sakc with crap init. as in liek stinky an mushy.

I should hope so, too. For far too long we have allowed the meaning of "sack of crap" to be vulgarised by used-car salesmen and other buttock fetishists. It is about time this unhealthy trend was stamped out and the jackbooted octopus thrown into the melting pot for good and all. Let us revive the tongue that Shakespeare spoke. Would Jonson, Marlowe, Kyd, Webster or any of those other great non-Americans ever have used "sack of crap" to mean anything other than a sack with crap in it? Would Webster? The other Webster, I mean. The one with the dictionary, not to be confused with Johnson, not to be confused with Jonson. Anyway, it's a disgrace.
 
phil i avhe to say used car slaesman are the only butock fetashets who rely count in my book. in a class by temslelves.

but ur right man. the runign dogs of teh capetalest sheap have bean showan for teh pigs they are! er vice versa.
 
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