June 19, 2006

Dishonest Advertising

Dear Musician's Nemesis,

Your product description says that "The 2 Hootenanny Poly Strap turns any gig into a hootenanny." That claim is not accurate. I purchased the product and brought it to a gig with my Black Sabbath tribute band, but the gig did not turn into the hootenanny for which we had all braced ourselves. This was a bitter disappointment and led to considerable interpersonal tension within the band. Ultimately, amidst anguished recriminations and escalating episodes of savage violence, we went our separate ways. The Levy's corporation has a lot to answer for, and I fully intend to hold them to account.

Incidentally, I lack clarity about the "2" prefix. I feel that it is stupid. Please advise.

Sincerely,

Arlington C. Hynes

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Comments:

I am very sorry to hear that your nanny failed to hoot as advertised.
 
I thought savage violence was the very essence of a Black Sabbath tribute band. Why break up just when you're finally getting the hang of it?
 
Arlington, switch the damn spell-checker back on.
 
Obviously only intended for folk singers...
 
Odds are they sent you the wrong strap. Cross reference the appropriate model/serial numbers and also check for any obvious defects.

Did you try another gig?
 
The 2 seems to be the width of the strap in inches. Here's a "2 Boot Leather Sheepskin Padded Banjo Strap" and that says it is 2" wide.

"You'll love the feel of Levy's 2 Boot Leather Sheepskin-Padded Banjo Strap." Sounds almost naughty.
 
gaal - i know! we trid evrythingng/!

iven - nope. teh vary esense voef a balkc ksabatahs tirbute band is a horable mustache an a sg.

Philip - It's stuck! Help!

palbo - oh yehah. we trid swiching ovar to a jon cage covar band after ttaht dabacle an gigd for a wile that way. i kep using the strap but al to no avail.

senh - banjo is a sssssexxxy isrument as ive aways said.
 
p.s. ivan - but u dont wana get a s.g. an leave out teh mostach er itl go hoorebly worng!

(jeez their getin old.)
 
I presume you cut off your fingertips in tribute to Tony Iommi. (A real fan would do so.)
 
I thought a poly strap was a device for restraining parrots.
 
a word of advice; never get involved with the boy with the poly strap.
 
I thought a hootenanny was a goat with big breasts.
 
Are you in cahoots with these people, Arlington?
 
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