May 31, 2006

A little speck of common sense in a mad world

An American, yesterday.The Telegraph has kindly printed my rather insightful input on a very sad story about America (you will have to scroll down, I'm afraid). It seems that an American woman mistook the sound of rising dough for a gunshot, and spent several hours with her hands on the back of her head, "holding her brains in". But of course she was quite uninjured.

Objective, factual reporting of this kind of thing is unknown in America. We may assume that when the story was reported there, it was sensationalized all out of recognition, and inspired widespread fear of dough. That is how they control their public. But can we not help? It is the decent thing to do. And so I ask you all, each and every one of you, to tell one American that dough, is not dangerous, or frightening, and that it cannot hurt them. Reassure them. Calm their fears. You will have done your good deed for the day.


This is an American. Perhaps the very greatest of them all. They desperately need our help.

"If there is one thing I am, it's always right." — Ted Nugent

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Hate to disagree, because I love this place... but. It's not a sad story about America. It's a silly story about some nutjob. Don't see much talk about it in the US because we'd laugh it off as a loonie, not anything indicative about gun violence (a common misunderstanding between Europe and her kid).
I wouldn't let the National Bakers' Association hear you talking like that, Helen. The NBA take a very dim view of liberal assaults on their constitutional right to knead dough. You'll end up with a croissant between the eyes if you're not careful.

Remember: buns don't kill people - people kill people...
While we're at dough, I say it rather takes the...erm...biscuit for a bien-pensant Britishcritter to offer to help any of their colonial cousins. Them 'Merikins doing mighty fine, as far as I can tell--dough or not dough. Which is a lot more than can be said about Albion these days--that land of former Victorian splendor, now prey to a Neanderthalian underclass, a bunch of institutionalized crooks in power, and a cohort of lobotomized Marxist posing as intellectuals. Sic transit stuff, I suppose.

One way to measure societal decline is by the stridency of their criticism of their imperial masters. Decayed powers are the most vociferous, of course. At the nether end, we find France, and Britain, closely followed by ungrateful colonies like India and the formerly splendid, yet still savage Middle East.
Wot ???? No picture of Ted???
Romerican: I think you'll find that it's not just "some nutjob". They are all like that.

Ivan: No, I quite agree with the NBA! I only wish they would not use such filthy language.

dessargugues, if they are doing so "maahghty faahhn", as they in those funny little cowboy towns like Boston, then why do they all live in fear, of having their brains shot out, by dough?

Thank you for your advice, Pierre! I have added a portrait of Mr. Nugent.
My dear doctor: it's the police who shoots people's brains out when they don't behave, in these here US. Dough is mostly used to buy political influence. Dough is also the prime matter of one of America's most successful industries--the donut business. Together with Trident D5 missiles, Krispy Kremes have gone a long way earning abroad the respect America so richly deserves. Your perception of American realities is marred by some lamentable conceptual confusions. Clarity of thought is a virtue we can all benefit from.
Boston has no Nuge, and very little Elvis.

It's quite sad, really.
I once was gainfully emplyed as a baker, and I can tell you one thing about dough: It is delicate, but heavy. The best way to kill someone with dough would be to smother him with a huge batch of it. I may have tried this with the store manager.
I take it that you're British, then, Helen. This exposes you as a colossal fraud, because no British doctor has the letters MD after her or his name. Unless he or she has a Doctorate of Medicine degree, which is not a primary medical qualification at all.
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