June 14, 2006

Two Women in One House

Conservatives, especially American conservatives like the notorious right-wing eliminationist Harry Hutton and his monstrous accomplice Davies, often suggest, that sharing cannot work, and that social democracy is therefore doomed. "Right theory, wrong species!" they thunder, brandishing their firearms and chewing their tobacco.

They are worng however, and science, proves it:

"Two-headed snakes are rare, but they shouldn't be looked at as freaks," said Gordon Burghardt, a herpetologist...

Despite the risqué name, a herpetologist is merely an expert in the field of snakes. And what he has to tell us is of great importance to the world, for if two heads may coexist on the same snake for years, sharing their resources equally, then surely we can do the same.

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"...if one head catches the scent of prey on the other's head, it will attack and try to swallow its second head."

If anyone's ever provided a better description of the two-party system than that I've sure never heard it.

Right-wing Americans like Hutton and Davies need to open their minds a little. There's more to life than Budweiser-fueled hooting at NASCAR and slavish devotion to Ann Coulter.
No accident they keep finding these freaks in Spain. A developing embryo begins to split into identical twins but then stops part way, leaving the twins joined. That's just typical of those lazy dagos. "Aiee, I finish splitting mananaaa..."
Exemplary use of the Noreen comma there, Dr. H.

I have to say, I am sure that two-headed snake developed as a metaohor for something. That's a problem the geneticists keep overlooking: zygote-formation-as-metaphor. Someone should fund this.
If he's not a metaphor, then he's the protagonist of a joke whose punchline was "how about a little head?" Or was it a 12-inch pianist, I never can remember.

And Helen, HA^3 was the worng person to proofread your entry.
I detest eliminationists and anyone else who insists on discussing the end products of digestion in public.
Each two-headed animal is highly individual, and has its own personality and reasons for doing things the same as any other creature, he said.

I call into question the herpetologist's credentials--this doesn't sound like sound zoology to me, but more like the kind of PC-babble that half-wits indoctrinated in identity politicis and other such nonsense spew forth mindlessly. Either he's got his degree at the Refrigerator Repair College of Northern Alaska, or he holds a master's in Culture Studies from Duke.

Then he goes on to assert that the two heads "have to agree to pursue the same prey," committing a moronic category mistake. Snakes can't reach any sort of agreements at all--that is the potential result of an exchange of reasons and arguments, which is the privilege of beings endowed with conceptual abilities.

This is just another sad instance of self-righteous moral entrepreneurs finding supposed evidence for their mistaken ideology in the world of indifferent animals. I suggest the only legitimate use for that two-headed freak is in an advert for a buy-one-get-one-free promotions for blowjobs in a German brothel. Two heads for the price of one or something.
Not only is it a useless creature, but damned ugly, too.

However, I bet it would make a nice pair of boots. Can't say that about our 2-party system now, can we?
Not only that, but what else is there to life but swilling Bud and enslaving oneself to Miss Coulter? Eh? Eh?

Elitist snob. I shall chew my Redman contemplatively and praise the Lord I have no equivalent class envy myself...
The more I look at that poor beast, the more convinced I become that it's an argument against social democracy. Two heads trying to swallow each other--if that's not an argument against divided sovereignty, I don't know what is. Thomas Hobbes would love the freak. Marx would probably dismiss it as a thin ploy concocted by bourgeois science--or words to that effect.
Wait--if one gets a headache, does the other one feel it?

Do snakes get headaches?

Because they ought to, the ugly bastards.

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