All of them...I was going to say just line them up alphabetically but that could be problematic.
 

Capnolagnia.
 

We parasitically inhabit these pages because the alternative is to write letters to the papers, and there’s all that cross culture shite as well. As an example;

A while back, in another place, you mentioned the wonderful game of piquet but gave no details of the rules. It may interest you to know that we’ve set up a league, strictly amateur of course.
We took it to mean a cross between polo and cricket. We use mopeds instead of ponies, and we haven’t quite worked out where the dogs come in, but It’s still great fun and it saved us shooting the foxhounds. The only downside is our local Laundromat, who wont let us in to wash the dogs’ bandanas after a match, - firkin bastidge Canutes.
I do hope I haven’t presumed.
 

I liked the noir/hard-boiled clown series you did recently, and your chowder recipe. This one also.

Sorry I don't have a funny story about sports. I am having a boring day. Better go write a letter to the paper.
 

jef - ur riaght! i nevar can remebarwhat comes aftar 'z'.

mnk - lagomorphilia!

dr m. - ur thikningn of parquet i balieve. er mabe hurlign. isnt it wodnarful taht teh national sprot of iarlend is caled 'hurling'?

vageu - finly someboddy takes it serously! er. more er less. i strated getin suspicuous whan u mentoined tehchowdar. which honastly is vary good by teh way but not in this weather thuogh.
 

p.s. in my furor scribendi i frogot to stop an thikn taht that hurlign joke is probly vary very old. oh well. cant win em al.
 

Greatest Hits? The clowans are No.1. The clowans are your "I'm a Believer". Your grandkids will be humming along to the clowans in 40 years time.

Apropos, this rude man is talking about Americans. Is there any truth in what he says? For your sake, I hope not:

"...we present to the rest of mankind, on a planet rife with suffering and tragedy, the spectacle of a clown civilization. Sustained on a clown diet rich in sugar and fat, we have developed a clown physiognomy. We dress like clowns. We move about a landscape filled with cartoon buildings in clown-mobiles, absorbed in clownish activities. We fill our idle hours enjoying the canned antics of professional clowns. We perceive God to be an elderly comedian. Death, when we acknowledge it, is just another pratfall on the boob tube. Bang! You're dead!"

-- James Howard Kunstler, Home from Nowhere
 

I changed my mind. The one vague linked to (my-acedemiac-carrer-alas) is the new No. 1.

P.S. Don't try doing it with the word "Kellogg's". Not if you value your sanity.
 

I'd quite like to see more about academia, along the lines of vague's post, with perhaps a few more bloodbaths thrown in for good measure. Or else I will effing cut you!
 

Sorry old fruit, I don't quite follow - a love of rabbits? Is that it?
 

It was a good thesis, a belter in fact. But you talk as if your academic career was over, a little imagination can keep the dosh rolling in. What about designing experiments for micro gravity. You get to hang about in Pasadena, (big eats and attractive loose limbed techs). My favourite is the spiders web one in space. Ok it’s been done, but what about substituting South American jumping spiders. One of them loose in the command module would give the Brylcream boys something to think about. Your Defence Department loves these kinds of things and it has hundreds of spare mullah (cash) -not the Arab kind obviously. Look it’s only a suggestion, I’m not doing it all for you, you lazy git.
 

odray - thate kunstlar guy remidns me of heny youngman.

er... do what whit 'keloogs'?

mnk - wel i didn folla urs ether.

odreay #2 - id totly love to wrok at teh jpl! truoble is u gota frist indenture urslef for years to some clowan whit tenure at a major resreach schoal (er 'majour' in teh uk). at stravation wages! heck whit taht.
 

Pelican bras
 

Have a care, sir. Don' diss our imperial spelling, yo.
 

Cantya juss cagetorize em al inta gorups like the clowan cycle an that? Iv got difnternt moods for pelican bras and clowans and diverocees who jus kep drivin an ol thta carp.

Cheez, mate.

Snailrind.
 

Fylign Chosser
 

This is the best one, judging from the number of comments it's getting.
 

I like the one where you say, "Hngh gar ng wha loksig".
 

pemil - thankee!

roub - ouk i wount!

h.b. - yeh tel me abot it. but pepl awys like it whan u ask em they're apinions. they like pichers too. hmm. maby i shuld run whit taht.

hary - oh my yes! but that ons to good for hte plebs i thikn.