October 20, 2005

how dapresign

just wroate leters to botha my senaters. not once in ether of em — not onse — did i use teh wrods 'cocksucker' or 'imbacile' or 'blodsucking tyranous parasitic pigfucking arogant worthlas timeservign sonuvabitch'. nor did i wax nostelgic about teh gracious old custom of recalign publac 'servents' form ofice by way of a tree an a rope. nor did i threten to shoot em or tar em an fether em or run em outa townn on a rail or drag em bahind a team a horsas.

so teh moare i thikn about it the more i wondar why i bothard writign at all.


didn mention horsewhipign em either. or pistalwhiping em. or putting em in stocks.

culd hang em from a lampost too. dosn hafta be a tree.


now dont get me worng! i liek our forma govarmant just fine. but they'res aways room for improvmant! hence my twopoint plan garanteed to birign any damocracy closar to prefection:

  1. all electad oficials to be publicly horsewhiped once a year on generl princaples.

  2. term limits to be anforced by hanging.

i ofar these recamendations in a spirit of selflas davitoin to the public interast.

yet anothar updat!

oooh i frogot keelhaulign!

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" botha my senaters"
Botha is your senator? The P.W. Botha, ex-king of the Boers?
Two senators? You greedy bastard, some of us don't have any!
Is it senatorcide or senatocide?
If you were just asking for an invite to Chappaquiddick, I'd watch out as it's infested with clowns.
md - my senetars are both legandry bores in ther own right. a tuoch of teh cat would liven em up considerable.

jtp - by any name its fun for teh whole famly!
A desire for public office is sound enough reason for a good drubbing. Politicians should be chosen randomly by public lottery and anyone who appears enthusiastic about their new job should be treated with profound suspicion. Shifty toadfuckers.
rorb - right on! anyboddy wiht his nose in the publec truogh is antisocial scum by defanition.
I think that when they vote on stuff each side should join hands and then the leader of each team has to press a button that gives them all an electric shock. The team that holds out longest wins. There's a Pavlovian aspect to this too, of course.
You're a bloody liberal? I demand a refund.
jtp - whoa! aftar a whial theyd be scared to intraduce any legeslaton at all! than u wuldn wana hang em thuogh cause then youd havta start al ovar conditoining new ones. an itd be a hsame not to hang any of em. i mean whares teh fun in that?

hb - wel geez dude just cuase im wilin ta horswhip em onaly once a hyear dont make me out to be some kidna bledin heart he're. its not like im shy about hangin em or anyhting. if i were youd have a point. thatd be tantamount to outright moderation!
Why not have them fight to the death for their legislation?

We could call it "Rumble in the Rotunda!" and do Pay-per-view. I'd, er, we'd make a fortune.
If you got them to the point of not wanting to make any more legislation (and obviously these guys would then be keepers, you could "elect" an honorary legislator and give him all the traditional perks for say a day or so, and *then* hang him as sort of nod towards tradition.

Not only do you still get to hang a lawmaker regularly, but it reminds the real ones about what can happen if they get too uppity.
Perhaps the problem is that they are allowed outside. Lock them in and let them turn on each other. I'd be like Lord of the Flies but with more infantile characters.
argamormon - dude i like taht plan. we can stil hrosewhip em right?

jtp - heyy i kindna like that plan to. put a lota tv camras up in hte balcony an u culd bet on em! its a sprot tahts takign teh wrold by storm!
You’ve told us what you DIDN’T say, not what you WERE writing to them about. Spill the beans you teasing basttage.
Your restraint is commendable, HA3. I commend you.
dr m - oh i was jus telin em they shulda voatad for somhtign they votd aganst. i was vary tacful an palite. for all teh good itl do.

berwski - tahnk u. i take gerat priad in bei9gn a reasanable man.
I presume you did follow custom and smear excrement over the back of the letter.
sombuddy onse towlde me:

al elekted oficiales are CLOWNES...

sinsister! eand skaery!
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