Mr Hynes was telling me about some of his home cooking experiments, and how he spends a large amount of time queuing for groceries at the supermarket. I simply don't understand why anyone, least of all an american, would bother.

In the first place, America is the land of the take away. They call it ordering in or carrying out or something. It is actually rather sweet, the way Americans have to give activities which already have a name in english, their own special little american name. Anyway, when Americans "order in" the sheer quantity of food which is delivered in a one person portion is quite staggering. Where I come from in England, a portion of take away food is barely enough to feed a wasp. So, if you "order in" in America, it is very good value as you get enough food to last you a fortnight. No need to shop at grotty little supermarkets then.

Better still than "ordering in" for a gentleman like Mr Hynes, would be to frequent the university canteen. There is an awful lot of snobbery in this country surrounding institution cooking. I simply don't get it. I went to public school, which, by the way is the exact opposite to what americans call a public school, there were drugs, like in america, but no guns except in the ccf shooting range, and one did not have to cart a pemission slip around in order to use the lavatory, one simply raised a hand and asked "May I use the lat?" and the master or mistress would nod in a world weary way. At my school, noone ate lunch out of a paper bag. At a british place of learning, meals are provided in a dining hall, not unlike the canteen at Mr Hynes' university.

There is a uniformity to institution food which is most comforting. It may not be cordon bleu, but quite frankly, cordon bleu is more than a little nouveau riche. Quite apart from being french, which carries with it, its own pitfalls of insect and offal recipes, cordon bleu tries way too hard in my opinion. Too fussy by half. A splendid cod mornay, served from a large aluminium tray by a woman in a hairnet, is a better friend than fancy frenchified nonsense. A mass produced Cod Mornay is reliable, it will always taste a little bland, a little wet and slightly cold. Food for the brain, not for the ego.

dr haridan is right!

excetp u shuldn wrifht off etin bugs just cuase teh frenchys do it. i mean u see a patentail snack wlakin upt eh wall. waddya just gona let it go? duno abot u but i gota keap my sterngth up. ofals ok to! a sosage is made otta ears an lips an asholes isn it? an its tasty. q.e.d.

arlinton c hyans