December 22, 2006

teh clasics

tody were gona trasnlate teh aneind wich is a real old poam by a romen.

Arma virumque cano

'virille' maens 'man' an a cano is a dog. sso that means a werwolf. 'arma' is easy. anybody whos ever wached public tv knows teh roumens didant prounounce their 'r's. so if you say it that way out loud u cantell hjes saying 'im a virumque cano' menign 'im a weerewolf'. see? its a snap.

Troiae qui primus ab oris

'primus' is waht u cook with an 'oris' is a root so hes miakign diner.

Italiam fato profugus Laviniaque venit

ok! hes talkkign abuot itely but ud thinnk since the romons lived the'yre theyd be able to spel it right? but mabe vrigil he hada spech defect. so anyhow the itlaliams are fat an theyre pro fungus. i can vuoucht for taht! i hada real good risoto with musrhooms a couple weeeks back. ok an then its somethign about lavinia. i knew a gril in schol by that nmanme. she wrote godawfal poetrry. probly it means lavianias etign fungus by the vent.

litora, multum ille et terris iactatus et alto

yep must be 'vent' cauose hes sayigin he means it litorally. er else now hes talkging about lavinias lady parts. but its more likely he means teh vent on the stoave. ok now 'teris' might be a terrine or else shes scared. but 'scared' makes no senscte because its alredy been specafied shes likes funngus. so shes eatgin a terrine thats fula mushroms. with a glassa milk. an finaly a alto is a saxapohone.

duno waht the rest is. looks like som kina foren gabble to me.

so to recapuitulate he'res teh story sofar

im a werewolf cookign roots for funguslovign lavinia
teh tiailian ladey drinkging milk. by the vent. no really!
but she only wantsto play her saxaphaone.

its shapign up to be a romantic comedy.

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Slow start tho'. Guess it only really gets going when Dildo Queen of Carthage shows up. Plenty of room for romantic mix-ups there...
Damn, no wonder I never got Latin poetry and whatnot! Apparently all those damned translators have been taking quite a bit of liberty in their versions, just to fuck high school kids.

ivvon - wahoo! so it gets betar! ill keep redign.

chhrissh - right. the usuuel sign of athentnicity with teh romens is unles it mentoins laveryne an dshirley its a fake. u can rely on that.
Good work, Ha Ha Ha.

If you get a second, you could have a stab at Cicero, I've always fancied reading that in modern English.
It starts to get boring when he talks about taking a census of the faculty in the furnace.
It's actually shaping up to be an erotic novel in verse, 3H. Kinda like Restif de la Bretonne, but much earlier. Italiam fato profugus Laviniaque venit: A fat, mushroom-loving Italian came to see Lavinia. litora, multum ille et terris iactatus: he threw her on the ground a lot on the beaches (litora).

You can only imagine where it goes from there.

This reading makes even more sense when you think that the Romans weren't encumbered by the inexplicable prudishness of later, Christian authors. That's why a creative spirit like Virgil would find it perfectly natural to describe to his readers, right from the start, a fat Eyetalian's game of horizontal tennis with this chick Lavinia.

Now, if you're looking for cooking scenes, I warmly (heh) recommend Petronius's Satiricon. Especially that long fragment known as the Cena Trimalchionis. But don't read it on an empty stomach, though. You'll salivate profusely.
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