September 13, 2006

The Further Adventures of Reverend Thrisp-Smatchet in the 24th Century

"Indemnify me, O LORD..."

"Indemnify me..."

"FOR thy hedgehog pursueth me as the night descends..."

"Hedgehogs, O Lord..."

"And I grow weary OF climbing..."

A mere thin sliver of sun remained above the valley's western rim. The rector perched uneasily with a handful of congregants high in the gently swaying boughs of an ancient oak. His quiet, guarded voice and the ragged whisper of the responses seemed to wither and fade among the rustling leaves and creaking boughs. In the twilit gloom at the foot of the tree, massive shapes moved, hunched and indistinct, snuffling and rustling in the debris of the forest floor. From the middle distance, a thin scream rose and cut off.

The Reverend Dr. Reginald St. John Thrisp-Smatchet winced, steadied his voice, and mechanically continued the prayer.

"For their spines, O Lord, ARE lengthy..."

"Their spines, O Lord..."

"And you, O Lord, HAVE shafted us royally..."

"For fuck's sake, O Lord..."

Night fell fully as the litany wore on. In the dim glow of a sickle moon, faint pairs of eyes blinked patiently on the ground below.

. . .

Thus it was everywhere. Civilization had not fallen in a single day, nor had the hedgehogs extended their cruel hegemony over the Earth entirely without resistance from their sometime overlord, Man...

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Comments:

Speaking for myself, overload to a hedgehog sounds like an unlikely scenario. But I liked the pairing of sliver sun and sickle moon...you could have added a sprinkling of silvery stars, too.
 
fuckk off o cnut! lets see u do betar. if i cuould write wroth a damn i wuldn be dioing this for free now wuoulld i? u want qualety youve come to the worng window.
 
The Reverend Dr. Nigel St. John Thrisp-Smatchet

He's English, am I right?
 
no italalian. why?
 
lol.
 
Is he one of the Paduan Thrisp-Smatchets or from the cadet branch, the Florentine Thrisp-Smatchets? I think I knew a Thrisp-Smatchet at Eton, you know.

Oh no wait I tell a lie, that was a Crisp-Packet. Oily little chap, he was.
 
Smashing! Weird! Giant hedgehogs!

I liked this a lot. What happens next?
 
uuhhhh...
 
If he's Italian, why doesn't he just fry those hedgehogs in olive oil and serve them up with polenta and pesto? That's what I normally do.
 
Everybody chant together. TELL US WHAT COMES NEXT. TELL US WHAT COMES NEXT. TELL US
 
Was that Canute, or cunt?
 
Shouldn't this have been a post by "Dr Haridon"? Or do your two personalities can't tell each other apart any longer, 3H?

Anyway, does that mean they'll still have religion in the 24th century? I wonder what Tim LaHaye makes of that.
 
Dr. Haridon doesn't do fiction; Hynes does. It has been ever thus.
 
pooltorn - u cant ordar teh cunnts back. ive tried.

d.a. - id nevar herd of tim layay bafore. i thnk hes mistakan in his balif that evarybodddy wil look liiek a cartoon after hte rapture. but ive been worng bafore.
 
<< Dr. Tim LaHaye conceived the idea of fictionalizing an account of the Rapture and the Tribulation while sitting on airplanes and watching the pilots. He would think to himself, “What if the Rapture occurred while flying on an airplane?” >>

What indeed? These are important questions. Even if you're one of the elect on paper, can your soul be taken up accurately while you're travelling at 500 mph? What if they get the guy two rows back? Next time your flight is delayed, it may be Providence at work.

These doctors are on another plane. Can maybe Dr. Maroon or Dr. Evil understand what this guy is getting at?
 
The Lord can zap you just fine at 500 mph -- or 434 knots, as the Lord would say. You just lead the target. You think the Lord has never shot skeet?
 
Italian? Or is he a Mexican, or a Mexican't? More to the point, organised religion produces nice coloured glass.
 
And nifty drinking holidays, too.

C'mon Ha, do the hedgehogs get 'im?
 
I'm wondering when the clowans will turn up.
 
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