January 13, 2006

last tihgns

a lady i wrok with just lost er gramnothar. to mortalety. wihc is a comon afliction but stil. makes you thikn eh?

so i thuoght maybe i shuld make arangemants. just to keep my ducks in a row. so i wen't to a mortuerist an siad lets plan tihs out ok? he gave me a lota crap abuot how the customar comes first etc an teh first thing he asks me is like 'whe're do u want to be baried?' wel im not picky. anywhere will do rely. i dont give a rats ass. what im concernd about is a monumant. so i just hamard on thaht point until he wsa like 'ok we got pink granate an gray geranate an u can have a video screan embeded in it an blah blah'. all tihs kitschy crap. im like 'ugh! no! horable!' but they'res no daflectin im.

but finly i got his atention.

'ok mr hynes what kina marmorial do u want?'

'well i wanta pyremid of skulls. big. aweinsprign if u see waht im drivin at here.'

an sudanly ohhhh no the custamer dosn come first aftar all! nope! hes like all lafhguin nervosly an like 'ha ha funy' so i grab is tie an haul im ovar the desk an explain myslef more distincly. a bit loud too but this guy wasn a good listanar u know?

'i! must have! a pyramed! of skulls! human skulls! or u will answr to teh contrery at ur peril!' an i was yankin his head bakc an froth for punctuetoin.

to make a logn storey short the poor creap dosnt handal presure real well. an ill be takign my business elsewhere.

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He probably would have stiffed you anyway.

Ba-doom tish!
Human skulls: $100 (on ebay)
Mummification: priceless

You will have to set up a trust fund to pay for the security of your pyramid, you know. Also, to economize you could use lawyers' skulls or monkey skulls in the interior.
Maybe you should have the whole pyramid encased in some super-durable plastic or glass. That would keep the punks from making off with them and also protect them from the elements.

I advise against economizing. This is your monument. You should go for quality and use the skulls of vanquished enemies only. Except maybe top the pyramid off with a bull or ram skull. That might look pretty badass.

Anyway, if you're just looking for any old skulls these folks will take care of you.
What a splendid link Sean. However; "Economy Peccary Skulls". I ask you, what kind of a goddamn cheapskate buys those?
You are a constant source of inspiration to me, Arlington. I've put up a post asking people to design their own marmorials along the lines you have suggested. Spiffing post!
I don't know what this guy was so upset about. Its not like he doesn't have human skulls just lying around - no "harvesting" needed.

Heck, with a little foreplanning, the pyramid would hardly cost him a thing and he could have made a tidy profit on the transaction.

To echo the thoughts of Agammamnon, I too wanted a throne of skulls, but they made me remove it from the office.

They said it was making people nrevous when I would stare at their heads and mention that I needed a footrest.

Spoil sports.
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