Well, I see one upside to that preposterous activity--with all the cellulose he's been taking in the natural way, he must be secreting his own toilet paper now. Maybe health nuts who obsess about fiber and shit should look into this.
 

Merrill Lynch's offices used to be located in the World Trade Center. Did Moppo gnaw through the foundations?
 

From apprentice beaver to Wall Street titan. What a sad waste of a young life...
 

Gnawing the legs off the bed is a very effective way to keep monsters from lurking under it. Except for the flatter sorts of monster, of course.
 

Funny how stories like this are always about 'a friend' or 'someone I knew'. Like, "a friend of mine has a really bad case of gonorrhoea - do you have any advice for 'him'?"
 

If Arlington's pronunciation is anything like his orthography, a few mouthfuls of furniture would certainly explain a good deal.

Or maybe that should be heterography.
 

'Heterography' implies an unconventional nature, but it still has to be systematic and uniform--hardly a characteristic of Arlington's approach to spelling. To be etymologically impeccable, I'd call it 'diastrophography.' Distorted and hard to understand alright--for me, at least. But I guess that's part of his ineffable charm.
 

I like the word "ineffable". It makes me wonder what "effable" means.
 

The meaning of effable is similar to peccable, but less subject to terpretation.
 

'Effable' carries with it some potentially obscene conotations in American English. I'd just stick with 'fable'. They're etymologically equivalent.
 

From Latin 'fari' (to utter), derived from the same Indo-European stem as ancient Greek 'phemi' (I utter, speak), also present in Sanskrit 'bhati', 's/he says'. The Latin root is 'fa-', present, for instance, in 'infans' (a toddler, literally someone who cannot speak yet). 'Fabilis' is 'that can be uttered, speakable'. Combined with the preposition 'ex' ('out'), it results in 'effabilis', 'that which can be spoken out loud'. You can then attach the negative prefix 'in-' to it, and you get 'ineffabilis', 'unutterable, unspeakable.'

Dammit, I know Arlington wants to keep this blog funny and light-hearted, and here I am waxing paedagogical. [sigh]
 

dued! im unspekeble! wahhooo! that totely ruales my ass an shit!
 

da - dude he didn just maeke his owan tolet papper. he shaared!

odray - he didn gnawl turuohg tehf ondatoins but teh recuse popoelpel herd a sorta gridnnign suond in teh rubbal for abuot 24 huors after teh event.

iven - yeh he culda done anyhtigin but he lacked teh will.

phill - yeh tehy read us scery storey oncet an mpoopo was freked out for weeks.

footetar - in teh marien corps they tol me it aint nothhhign to wory abuot - 'one shot cuares it an u aint a man unntil u had it'. duno if tahtl hep ur fren but i ofar it for waht its wroth.

da #2 - 'disastrography'! i liek it!

giall - wel i liek to ththtignngk im atlest moderatly efable.
 

I always thought effable means "f**kable" so thank you for clearing that up.

By the way I think I know this mopo guy, he now manages the Merril Lynch global energy fund.
 

desargues, I don't even like to imagine a life without obscene connotations.
 

Well then, that makes you an effable gal, right there. Or, as I hear they they say in Australia, a bit of alright.