Youngsters have always talked like idiots - I know I did. Unlike now, naturally. Ahem.

Anyway, not being able to understand them was pretty much my only consolation. If I knew what they were saying, I'd probably end up throttling them for the common good. And they'd call me the criminal...
 

Hmm, maybe now that their language is homogomonizing, the Brits will now all be able to understand each other.
 

ivan - thortle em anyway! just on supsicioin. itl do em a worold a good. tech em teh value of a dollor.

aga - true bujtj tahts cuase the only wrod aany of em wil use is gona be 'dawwwg'. so yeah itll be like brit #1 knows brit #2 is gruntign at im an it means 'pay atention to me'. so brit #2 grumts bakc wihc means 'nooo noooooo you pay atentoitin to me instead'. perfact undarstanign. zero information conveyed.

form teh way al ajectives are blurign into undiferantiated synonyms for 'good' an 'ungood' it sems clear to me thats whe're teh englsh langauge is hedad. maroons jumpign up an down scratchign their armpits an hooting at each other like imbeciles.
 

Once you understand the rich and beautiful tapestry that is the world of hooting, you will realise that a great deal of information can be conveyed via the medium of the hoot.

As I understand it, even Lincoln himself wanted to hoot the Gettysburg address before he was persuaded otherwise by a small team of advisors.
 

Blood claat, innit?
 

Well, Boggy old bean, it looks as if you and I are the last hope for the survival of the Queen's English.

So it's buggered then, if you will pardon my lapse into the demotic.
 

I once saw, in a bookshop in Charing Cross Road, a shelf labelled "AUTOBIOGRAPHY'S". From that point on, I have never doubted that the English language now belongs to the kind of people who miss letters out of "colour" and syllables out of "aluminium".
 

How about this phrase found on a sign at the school where I teach - a school which sells itself on the fact that it teaches in English.

"...offenders shall be dwelt with"

So, kids - don't be naughty. Otherwise you'll find a bunch of teachers turning up to live with you...
 

phil, do you mean as in 'color' and 'Al'?
 

Philip, are you sure that shelf wasn't the property of a single autobiography? (I know that's not very funny but it pleases me to display my grasp of grammar and punctuation.)