June 27, 2005

ok guys

i thiknign aboutdoign a 'gretast hits' thign like hoton does er emeril bile which ok that was huten to.

but the tiign is heres teh thing: ive bean continely bafald by what reders sem to like an not like. at lest based on what tehy conmant on. i have no clear idea why pepl read tihs thing. mabe their just realy relly boared. i mean more boared even then teh usula bolg reder who lets face it is not somebody whit a whole lot to ocupy im.

but anyway i haverno idea whihc are teh good ones to link to. anybody have any faverets?


ok its done. much to my suprise i didn get much lucid or cohareant fedback so i mosly just pkced ones i postad on days whare teh date was a prime.

June 24, 2005

teh quenelles of mars

persaval loell was a jackass. thares nothign alive thare. hence no food.


its like a ton a bericks wihout strawl is what im sayin. i mean a brikc in teh hand u know. liiek that.

June 20, 2005

pelican bras

wtf do pelicans wnat with bras? they aint mamals!

they dont much look liek bras anyhow. mabe its just one a them 'servign sugestions'.


mod remidns us that in teh midal agas pelecans were knowan to engage in self-harm! cuase they didn have shrinks than. so theid have wron bras to keep from stabin emselves.

June 18, 2005

battman bagins to suck

well ok u culd aruge taht batman began to suck fortey yers ago whan adam west decamped1. but anyghow tihs movei is ten puonds a ass in a fivepond bag.

its two an a half hors logn. an abot one an a half hours a that is dull talky bullshit. its not just dull. it dosnt evan signify. dtwo thrids of it is bland undiferentiatd pseudoprofound holywood imitatien estern-mysticism babble. liem neeson mighta just as well a been standi9gn thare sayin 'quack quack quack'. teh othar third is saposed to be astabilishign batmans childhood but those parts plod too. if theyda cut it so 50% of teh runing time was axplosions an car chases itd a been a decent movie. but they overreached and its a selfindulgant shambles. a shambles with teh stupadest batmobile ive evar seen.

on teh plus side: gary oldman was rely good. as he usuly is whan hes not ovaractign horably. an katie holmes is a cutey! an in teh nonmborign parts teh visuals were cool.

1 hyuk hyuj hyik


i fergot5 to mention cristian bale looks eerily like my cats vet. so i kept acxpecting im to say somethign goofy in a canedian acent an stick a thamomater up som poor animels butt.

June 11, 2005

factalty luonge blodbath!

ovar at swamicros' place the acedamecs are havin a set-to thretnin to cut ech othar an whatnot.

what a lota ppl dont relize is acedemics when enraged are as dangaruos as a wunded cape bufalo. theill charge without warning. i ermembar whan i was a unargrad my aviser dr bilginger useta brign a basbal bat to facalty metigns an if onea teh othars wuld piss him off hed wack im. than one day tehy fuond bilginger dismembard an wrapd up in palstic in teh trunk of a '81 volvo 240.

teh campas palice siad it was probly a suiciade becuase thare was onyl one bulat in im. a .460 wetharby magnum as i recal. that didnt rely expalin how his legs got detachd or how he skun imslef but he was a prety datermind guy i gues.

the groves of academe

June 10, 2005

agonizign reaperaisel

jeez im rely pushin tihs thign uphil aint i?

think im gona give it a rest for a whiale. er at any rate not post unles ive got smoethign taht dosnt suck.

June 09, 2005

sic transit gloria steinem

one a these days teh ol bats gona go belly-up an ur all gona be garovallin aroun moanin in awe at the hedliane on my boituariy. jsut u wait an see!

i psot tihs in the desparate an probly hartbrakinly futil hoap taht i have more then zero reders who dont also red hary "teh commisar of cool" hutons comants.


a anonamuos reder says 'In Hoc Signo Victor Mature' which klils tow brids with one bush i thikn.

June 07, 2005

asshole on a unicycle

gogle gives me onley one hit whan i serch for 'asshole on a unicycle'. whats with that? it must be were not getign the mesage out. peee-pul! work with me pee-pul! please?!


hrmmmrmrmm. whan i psoted this teh single hit wasnt me. but ive since bean spidard i gues an teh poar shnuck it hit back than is gone now. i shulda dona screemcaptur but i got cocky whit teh iframe gimick.

update! march 2006

hoooly crap! theres lilike for hits now! its swepign teh nation!

ive got it

teh coolast thign wuld be eelflavord swine. i mean considar eel favored prokchops. an it wuld be safe because unagis awys cookd!

mad swiane disese is a problam thogh. this btw is why tehy et osrichas. because u cant feed em there brains for obvious resons.


jesus tihs was a stuped post.

parogramign sucks

ok i know my reders arnt rel technicel (wel one of em miaght be but not teh othar one) so ill kep this metephorecal.

so imagine two twelve rigng circuasas mutuly adjacent. that is to say ech is ajacant to teh othar1. an the trapeez artistes in echa of the twalve rigns in ach tent are tharowign clowns back an froth to the othar tent. but thares no set asociation of a givan rign in one curcus with one in the other: ring 5 in circus A might tharow a calown to rign zero in cursos B one time, but mabe the next clown they thrrow might be to ring 7 er whatever. whoevers free at the momant. its all asynchronous.

so keep this up for a few hunderad or as many as two thosand or so clowan-throws an its all fine — but than at some arbitrary point it turns wierd an some a the clowns start getin flang awry an geting et by the lions an it all turns to crap.

an i dont know why.


yeh the tents are cloasd. asume their throwan em thruohg a tunel. ok fine the metephars imperfact.


1 ajacancy beign comutative as u must know or u wuldnt be here.

June 05, 2005

'I am fastened to the hookah by a 14' length of macrame.'

cuortasy of zerlesson teh tuoching story of a yong gril maried to six hipies on a islend made otta scholbusas: hipie iland!

it culd hapan to anyboddy. u know?

June 03, 2005


man is in chians. justice is howhare to be fuond.

was teh laramide revolution in vain?

June 02, 2005

"Sorry, this blog address is not available"

so i thognt whoa a cool idea for a bolg wuld be one cald 'clevar hans' whare reders ask me questonis like 'my husbend has teh clap so i shot im an do i need any special precations disposign of a boddy whit teh clap or is it just the usul thign?' an i reply like 'stamp stamp. stamp sdtamp stamp.' i mean at frist galance it seems like itd bae hrad to maintian intrast but its all in teh exacution u know. howevar damit teh name is alredy takan. by a loser too.

crap. at this rate ill nevar be famos.

June 01, 2005

dear lord make them go away

today i saw this guy stagarin aruond portar sqaere werin a warewolf mask. so i was gona wlak up to im an say 'hey asscrank take off teh stupad mask ok?' but than i thogt holy crap what if its not a mask. what if he was bron taht way. than itd be like totly insensative.

u shuld nevar cal atention to ppls ethnicety. because they may not be aware of it.

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