September 25, 2006
ok im bkackj!!
wel ok! ol proj ran smowhat amok the're but ill setle his hash later. er. leme raphrast tghat! thankss porj for a job wellel done filign in whi8ale i was addrift!
anyhow teh cost grad did fnind us an it alwrooked out okay in the end. they showwed up so snoon we didn evan haft to resort to canebalism! but theres always nex time right?
bumer. i was walkign hoame form teh sbuway satatoin an the neborhood retardred buy folwed me for a while bablign bgiberish so as usul i gave him 'all mismy were teh brorogoves...' etc. but he kep folowign me! whan i ran outa jabawocky i hada switch to teh snakrk thing an regratebably he got somwhat agitated whenn i mentind mercator. he told me to go fuck mysellelf. whcih is in fact the first interprragble thing ive evar herd himsay! so maybe that was a real breakthrough.
An Update from Arlington! (translation of prev post)
Hey everybody I have an update from Arlington! He called on his cell from the boat last night:
"Mmm. Mmm hmm?"
"Project! Listen, this is really important!"
"Ok, first --"
"Dude, have you seen this thing where they like eat worms?"
"Seriously. This chick is eating a worm."
"Project, I don't know how long I have to talk here, this is imp--"
"Holy crap that was gross."
"Um. Seriously. Could we talk for a minute, right now?"
"Sure, I'll turn it down."
"Could you look up the number for the Coast Guard?"
"Ok I muted it. It's just this thing about tooth glue now."
"Look, the boat has been sssiszzt grabarg manafraingzzt --" and much more in that vein. I hate it when people call on their cell phone and then they get a bad connection. First of all, if you call on your cell phone I wonder why am I so low on your list of priorities that I'm getting a call on the cell, from the car, the boat, whatever, probably your important friends are getting a call on the land line from home. And, second, I can't understand a word of this. It's annoying! And meanwhile I have the Burger King thing muted, which, fine, but I like those ones with that King guy who plays football and climbs into bed with men. That guy is so funny.
"Just promise me you'll take care of that right away, ok? Can I count on you? ... batteries getting wet here."
"Yeah, sure, dude. No problem. Hey, try wiping the phone with a towel or something."
"Water's getting glub glug glug" and these annoying bubbling sounds, he has got to get a new phone. And now Fear Factor is back on. What a dilemma. So I put him on hold and I guess he hung up. But I wanted to let you all know that I heard from Arlington! Apparently he feels that I'm doing a great job and he'll be back I guess sometime pretty soon.
*Under research and development by Dr. S.M. Donovan of Boise State University.
Werg Nalafump ang Arlington!
September 22, 2006
Wellowly to Go!
September 21, 2006
Steely Dan's "The Boston Rag" -- Free Misinterpretation
Steely Dan's lyrics are often oblique or even, let's face it, incomprehensible. Here's my attempt to assign meanings to the few words of The Boston Rag. I failed, but let's not just leave it at that. ____________________________________________________
Let the Boston Rag image refer to Old Glory, the US Flag. Say the song was written in ~1970 to 1972. (I dunno, but say it was.) Think back to what was on those dim blue tubes 30 years ago!
Any news was good news, and the feeling was bad at home
I was out of my mind and you were on the phone
Lonnie was the kingpin back in nineteen sixty five
I was singing this song when Lonnie came alive
CHORUS Bring back the Boston Rag,
Tell all your buddies that it aint no drag
Bring back the Boston Rag
You were Lady Bayside, there was nothing that I could do
So I pointed my car down Seventh Avenue
Lonnie swept the playroom and he swallowed up all he found
It was forty eight hours till Lonnie came around
Note. I posted most of this there some years back. If you're a Dan fan at all, it's well worth checking out for crazy stuff. My "analysis" is barely even moderately whacked-out by their standards. And thanks to those guys for keeping it on their site all this time, especially since I lost the original file.
September 20, 2006
arlisgn ton outawo8 touwns!11
its ays on teh bolger controlapelanel dthiagn 'schedulaled outage aat 4pm'. i keeep redign it as 'shecduled outrage'. pls discus thx. thers gota be comady potenionital the're.
mehnwhilas while ur dsciusign taht im gona be offnet an unrechable until monday 9/25 aftarasdonoon. so liiek whastever an whatnot. il be onna bote! groook!
ive atmepted to apointendn porjec wnaaananabe to iritate an baffle u in my absance. my bet is hell blow it off entirly. im hopign hel hnad it ovar to a hily sopisticiicated intalectual of his aquantance named sophie. ether that or the invatiation wont wrork right. oh wel who gives a crap rely?
krog. krog krog.
September 16, 2006
pitty an teror
ok im vsitign mfalmy an we rententead a mvoei an it was rely good but u know how evarybdoys alwalays saying 'blahy blahlb ha yead yada holywods al mindnless hapy ednings an whabatever' wel this one wasn siplistic at all. the hreo strofe an strovfe an nevar gave up an thigngs kep going worng for him but nhe nevar gav up! it was inspiriring! a tribute to teh humen spriirit. no no but wait. than at teh end the hero gott smaashed flat in a giaent mahchine an thats it for im! its a terabyly sad endign. u see his eys fflickar out an its all ovar. i gota say ther wasnt a dry eye in the room.
i recamend it. its liek bbreakar morant but thers a chase sceene with a truck that defanatly ads anothar damension to it.
it ocurs to me maoast of teh ppople redigni this are liakly to be earth-humens of som knidn.
September 15, 2006
thej valume ond hte knomb
wel see if thase guys are sroiuus of ir their just msesign aruound.
i liek your insnramants their goood but i wansnt one withuout noknbs. er nobks. that turn. i dont wannt anny there stupid bacuause you cant trun tham altyeway aruond an so waht sthe bpoint? i hate thosse theo lways gotem on evrything.
an can ot be teh pnnan? but so i wnat waont tha s maek thehe honisn outo ufo pianaa! but woith the weeeeooooeoeoeeeooo liek that.
helo i am mamkking an inaquary! wishch is tha t im anqurign and thej valume ond hte knomb. an cna it be buel uan eyulow?
arligilndonton coplasly hyyhsnd
ps ! it wuoudl be sot tely cooul to be nammd klause!!11
in othar nieus!
September 13, 2006
The Further Adventures of Reverend Thrisp-Smatchet in the 24th Century
"Indemnify me, O LORD..."
"FOR thy hedgehog pursueth me as the night descends..."
"Hedgehogs, O Lord..."
"And I grow weary OF climbing..."
A mere thin sliver of sun remained above the valley's western rim. The rector perched uneasily with a handful of congregants high in the gently swaying boughs of an ancient oak. His quiet, guarded voice and the ragged whisper of the responses seemed to wither and fade among the rustling leaves and creaking boughs. In the twilit gloom at the foot of the tree, massive shapes moved, hunched and indistinct, snuffling and rustling in the debris of the forest floor. From the middle distance, a thin scream rose and cut off.
The Reverend Dr. Reginald St. John Thrisp-Smatchet winced, steadied his voice, and mechanically continued the prayer.
"For their spines, O Lord, ARE lengthy..."
"Their spines, O Lord..."
"And you, O Lord, HAVE shafted us royally..."
"For fuck's sake, O Lord..."
Night fell fully as the litany wore on. In the dim glow of a sickle moon, faint pairs of eyes blinked patiently on the ground below.
. . .
Thus it was everywhere. Civilization had not fallen in a single day, nor had the hedgehogs extended their cruel hegemony over the Earth entirely without resistance from their sometime overlord, Man...
garantueed to be teh wrost joke you endure this year!!
jeez now theyyre spamign me with cures for idempotence.
our reedar ottery hodary unerstans teh implacations!
Even if you're not idempotent, you might be in need of a unary operation.
September 10, 2006
Not just any moron...
...but a Moron with a Record Collection. Arlington will be blogging there as well. He will tell you what to listen to, and you will comply, or else you will fuck off. You are to be given a choice, you see, which is very generous, of him.
September 09, 2006
drrop back five an gibbber
We'd like to be sure everything on our plate is nailed down so we can wrap this up and hit the showers.
i wrote that in a emmail to a customer yestrady. an sennt it.
September 05, 2006
ok ok ive no godamn use for anothar godamn gutar (leastofall a telecaster — ive sworrn off em three times now an teh last time was four monfths ago) but i got sooo totely a deal on it! used with case for waht idve expectad to pay used withoutcase! sure u cant cook a sanwich with it but its got wierd pickups onit that just soundnd soooo good. spankity-spank! an i bot it in newhapsmire wehre theres no salestax. dude i mean i saved a lota money he're. wich i wouldna saved ifn i hadn buoughted it. you gota undrastan finance!
im gonna sleeap with it. OH SHUT UP.
cant u heare it sustaignign?
o right! tedh dissasteer is taht ive bean shopign for a guitar for weeeks an its been rely fun but now ive got no exuse to go inta stors an play em. an all teh nebuluos gloaroius posabil giuttars i cuoulda maybie bogght have al colapsed into one guitar thats merely real. l;ovly though it may be.
YES I KNOW U DONT GIAVE A CRAP OK FUCK OFF.
mindnumbinignly borign guitarnerd opdadte!
i rely dont have any readars at all whio play giatuoar do i? damit. ok than nobody read this.
im in teh ofice all night racign a dedline an ive got tihs crapy litle $50 solidstate practiace amp i keep in my turnk (or 'bonet' as the brutish call it) for such ocasoins. tak e a gatar braek evary hour or so an it keps you form burnign you're brain out too quick or fryign ur eyes on teh monatar. an of cuorse i brot teh new guatar. but ok so this gahstly litle toy amp is rely crap but lemme telyu this guitar can do no wrong thorugh it. holly toledo! i dig this axe baby.
oops. finly gota chance to play ut through my main big ammp at home an it didn suound too god on taht one at all. go figure.
ok waht i didn tel u was i have a thrid amp. i know ur thnikning 'jesus what kindaa uiesless ashole has that many amplafiars?' which is a rely stupad question bacuse if ur readingn this obviously u know exacly what kind. but anyway fuckoff. so! it actuely sounds quite nice through that one though it did take a bita knobtwidling to get it whe're i liked it. teh toy one has a wierd midrange peak i think that just sits right with the tele. wel the're you go. this is why i keeep swarign off the damn things.