January 31, 2005
i thikn u can buy a clown. you mihgt haiv to feed them somtims. i dont no waht their good for. jeff sayes you can make soup ott of em. but there not veal. theyr a clown.
if u wnat to get rid off one bafor it daprecaites 2 much i thnik u can do taht on ebay.
January 30, 2005
landin ship, tank
funy-lookin thigns. handy if u wana float arond getin ur ass shot off by way of preservin teh right of habeas corpus an so on. its not actuly a joke. hope u guys get taht one workd out.
teh french wrod 'lardon' refers to a piece a fat but it sounds like somehtin offcolor in egnlish!
a altarnate spelin is 'lardoon' but that ony sounds like 'cardoon' whihc is ralated to hte thisle an mabe the artachoke. which isnt ofcolor at all. so teh hell whit it.
i thot our reder hugboney wuld enjoy tihs one. if not ill hafta do away with im.
January 28, 2005
jacques brel wasnt french — he was belgan!
so taht totly gets teh french off the hook as far as brell goes. but theyve still got a lot 2 anser for on the morris chevalyier front.
January 27, 2005
procead with cotion!
the militery scene
austria appers to be recrutin swamp crieatures. this is a ominous developmant.
its teh other austuria. the one in china er hwatever. not teh one in france.
an our parceptive reder jef sugests theyre made of algae. which i thnik hes got a point. he sems also to be sugestin that they use those feelers to datect there prey. er at anyrate taht their nonvisual.
January 26, 2005
January 25, 2005
peple have raeched this bolg avter serching for teh folowin terms:
fish smels like cat (this 1 no longar finds me)
i am proudd of this edafice what i have builted here. danmed proud.
forther crees de cur from hte trackles wasts of the inernet:
January 24, 2005
pharoah amanuensis iv
thares a gag in there somewhere. al i have 2 do is fnid it. any idears?
welcom to boston. sucker.
January 23, 2005
o whare o wheire...
i wnated a botl of dog remover but noboddy had it.
January 21, 2005
further abuce of police powars
who payed for hte sidewalk? the city!
whare do they get tehyr money? taxes!
who payes taxes? me!
so ill drive on teh damn sidewalk if i damn well plese thank u vary much. why cant hte police undarstan this an get of my case?
January 20, 2005
January 19, 2005
it says here us denazens of botson may posibly be in mortal danger. more then usual i mean. but mabe not.
my question is who exacly gives a rats ass? if we wernt weary of life anyhow wed of alredy moved someplace that dosnt suck.
incase u we're woried...
"...björk denies reports that she was so upset during filming that she ate her dress..."
wel im glad we got that stratened out! but were stil waitin for a similar denial form prance bandar.
waitin... an wiatin...
ok! i got it figured out!
January 18, 2005
teh irrish endearment 'acushla' ('my pulse') can refar to lentels as wel as canelinis! teh italean 'polenta' is darivd formm tihs usage by way of the latin 'pulmentum' (literaly 'pull teh other one').
the 'pulse' part expalins the whole 'good for ur hert' conection.
January 17, 2005
so a frenid cald last nihgt an she says 'whatr u doin?'
soi i said 'im mullin cidar!' cause i was.
an she sais 'wel leme know whan u make ur mind up!'
January 16, 2005
Winter is icummen in,
Lhude sing Goddamm,
Raineth drop and staineth slop,
And how the wind doth ramm!
Skiddeth bus and sloppeth us,
An ague hath my ham.
Freezeth river, turneth liver,
Damn you, sing: Goddamm.
Goddamm, Goddamm, 'tis why I am, Goddamm,
So 'gainst the winter's balm.
Sing goddamm, damm, sing Goddamm,
Sing goddamm, sing goddamm, DAMM.
— Ezra Pound
duh. but taht page mistarsnlates 'ferteth'. er at lest ive ben told 'fert' doesnt mean 'leap' it means somethin indelecate.
puond was prety col. axcept for teh admirin-fascism-an-workin-for-musolini part. that wasnt real bright. but at lest he had the good tast not 2 do it at a costmue party.
January 14, 2005
trow teh tuna billy. go ahead. shut up an thorw the tuny.
the town of prot lincon in austria has a tuna festaval eveyr year since 1962. its cald teh tunarama. its hanuary 22 util janury 26 this yer. the hghilight of the festevel is the wrold chpamion tuna toss.
what they dont tel u is that hte local sucide rate gos throu the roof evary time they do this.
i men waht im sayin here is imagine some burly ugly pigheded litl tyke with his face al clenched up stanin there wiht a tuna refusin to throw it an his parants are getin mora an more frusrated. theyv been their for tow hours. the suns beatin down. dads quitly smolderin an moms bein all chery an encouragin the litl snot but rely shes losin her mind an getin redy to brain im. teh stupid kid wont bugdge.
teh festaval of the damned.
January 13, 2005
cool. heh heh. cool. cool. heh heh heh.
ok mabe im hrard up for materiel todey.
n.b.! this is a serous poal. it is also not rigd like teh last one. er. its not riged any ohter way ether.
com on guys france is ovbuisly a joak answer! an not evan a good on. i cant beliv ppl arnt takign tihs seriosly. im shoked.
January 11, 2005
no human bein has been killd by a cassowary since 1926, but that dosnt mean teh casowarys arnt stil tryin! they atacked 150 ppl from 1989 to 1999. an we can only asume there tactics wil grow moar sophisticated as they continue to study oar behavior. so dont turn ur back on em!
greeints to viositers form chaste ma laddies! i been harrylanched! wa hoo!
'im donw here for ur soul'
its nto that nick caves records suck. cause they dont. an its not that hes scarry lookin. even though he is. no its the fact that if u listen to allot of nikc cave for to long ur gona end up kilin somebody with a ax. i guarantee this. try it an see.
January 10, 2005
our loyal riader jef remids us of that grand ol sogn abot the moa!
i lossed my moa
own tha slops of mauna loa
naver noo wut it was foa
an im glad he did cause it rely tugs at the hartstrigns. u can imaagin the por moa standin their suroundad by brimstoan an lava an wahtnot an just kinda lokin aroun. cause moas arnt rel bright. i mean there ten feet tal but they got tiny litl branes like shrepmp. so shes standin their wiht her shaterd dreams wanderin 'duhhh whats goin on? whered jef go? wherd e go?' an menwhile jefs like sneakin off calamberin down the mountin muterin 'jesus what was i thinkin? waht teh hel do i wnat with a moa?'
January 09, 2005
that alaexnder movei would of ben beter if theyd of got jon clease to play philper the mastodon. cause than u culd say 'go philpar ur mastadon somwhere else u perv!'
but they dint. so the hell with it.
January 08, 2005
i got a bvd plair! but it turned out it didnt work if i didn't have a tv. so i tok it bakc too the store an they wanted to knwo what hapaned to it. wel i siad it didn work so mabe i got a litl peave'd at it an mabe whaped it once or twise. u know how u hit the tv wiht a shoe an then it works. so i tryd that. but it didnt help so i brought it back too the stoar.
an than they wouldn giev me my money bakc! in fact they got kinda snarkastic. u might even say they we're a bit darisive abot the whoal thing. which i thaught was totly uncald for. i mean yeha it was in mabe tow or three pices but it didnt work anyway so who cares.
January 07, 2005
commas. i hate em. hate em hate em hate em. dont even get me strated.
i nevar know what their suposed to mean. but holy crap at lest there less confusign than semicolons.
'usufruct' still in teh lead!
u can make oil out of beeans! but onely if there the oily kind.
January 06, 2005
a exparament that faild
i want over to soth station to get piza for launch. an their was this guy in line who lolked like dustan hofman the actor. too a scery degree! so i got too thinking ok if u know sombody than he knwos you to so therfore mabe if sombody loks like sombody u recognize than u wil look like sombody he recongizes. an theres only 1 way too find out! so i slaped this guy on the bakc an yelld 'hey hi howareya ol buddy howya doin!' but he just lookd at me real suspicus an mutered somthing an kinda sidled away.
so i gueass my thery isnt worth much.
er. i shuld mention that um... well ok it wasnt just you're ordinary slap on the back. it was mor of a sort of thumpiggn or pounding. i mean it stagered him prety good. but he staid on his feet like a champ!
radar mnk comments 'You really need to test your hypothesis a few times' an i can se his piont. so if i spot that dued agin ill rely walop him good an proper an let u knwo how it turns out!
January 05, 2005
omg wtf its a dictatorship
i was drivin this mornign an a cop stoped me an he was like 'do u kno how fast u we're going' an i said yeah i was goin prety damn fast. but i was doign it ironicly.
wel he jsut loked at me like i was a idiat an he gave me a tikcket anyway! what a facist.
permangaranite juic reconcedered
u may remember the jiuc dabacle. well so i tryd it again but thsi time wihtout the blubary. no convolsins this time but its rely a lot like grap juise. bfd.
January 04, 2005
'No f***ing tassels.'
they aslo hav chrocheted monstar skuls ('numbre of teth varies'). which they say are useles but u nevar know.
...is that the trasnyllvania statoin?
January 03, 2005
h. l. manickin said taht al gorge bernard shaw rely did was state teh ovbious in terms of teh scnadalous. which is true. but waht ol hank mised was that theres a lot of monay in that.
i need hlep wiht this one
if a dikons a camer than whats a radash?
fish sos is made from roten sardeans! it smels like cat breth! ok!
reder jef brigsns up the subject fo golbfesh. im not real suer why but he does. so anywya it truns out that all godlfish ar crarps but not al carpas r gdolfish. an that explanes it. so wtih set thoerey u cn figur out anythign!
also 1 mor thing! goldfash an bats do nto coaxest in amity as som ppl sem 2 think.
ok i made thai fryd rice last nite an id be ramiss if i didnt mention that fis sace smels kinda liek underweare to. also i forgot two get a liem so i put a litl rice vanegar on it an that didnt do any harm anyway. oh an im wicked peved at my sautie pan case its botom is convex but thats another story.
January 02, 2005
no its not refrehsing
so i bot this botl of pomagranet juis but it turnd out i didnt red the lable an it had blubery jius in it to. wel i dont like blobarys but i thot what teh heck its to late now so i dranik som.
wel it was wierd. it made the mussel undar my lef jaw go all creapy an horible so i was stagerin aroun goin ag agg an twistign my hed arond an falin over. like ag ag flop! an bneding my nekc all aroun the whoal time an twinchin. ag aagg ag! flop! twintch! ag!
an meanwhial teh cats sitin their lookin at me calm as can be like hes thinkign 'gee i wondar whats wrogn wiht him. mabe ill eat im whan hes ded.'
smug litl basterd.
but anywy i ended up driniking the rast off the juic an once u get used to it its not so bad.
abot the hole glob thign
my menter hariy hoten osbservs that a bolg is 'just some c*** linking to some other c***.'